More like, Oz the Worst Movie Ever Made. But, let’s be real, I shouldn’t have expected anything much out of it. It was the same concept as the 2010 Alice in Wonderland, which, too, was the worst movie ever made.
Hit the jump for a list of the many flaws of Oz the Great and Powerful.
1. Extreme misogyny and sexism
The entire premise of the film is that Oz (James Franco), the player-failure-conman from Kansas, is going to save all of Oz. Even Glinda the good witch is like, I know you ain’t the Wizard from the prophecy that is destined to save us all, but as long as we can trick the good tinkers and midgets of Oz-land, that’s okay. I mean, what?
So there are three witch ladies: Mila Kunis, playing Theodora, who becomes green and evil because of her bitter, bitter heart; Rachel Weisz, playing Evanora, Theodora’s evil sister, who is the only one to spurn Oz’s charms because she’s like, I’m married to Daniel Craig; and Michelle Williams, playing Glinda the Good, whose nose job is insatiable. But here’s the thing: Mila Kunis falls in love with Oz within two seconds because he’s a hottie and knows how to dance. Honestly, the film makes it seem like women cannot resist the charming wizard just because he gives them all a fake music box from his made-up dead Czarina grandmother. Women are weak! Especially as these three ladies are WITCHES a.k.a. have mad magic, but they all keep asking the WIZARD to save them. I was like, witch please, you have magic too so why don’t you just do it instead of falling behind the wizard in a misogynistic, societal fashion. GAWD. Also, while the witches do pull out some bad-assery by the end, Michelle Williams’ only magical powers until the end of the movie are 1) making bubbles and 2) making a light pink fog.
2. Extreme racism
However clever the filmmakers thought they were by calling a porcelain town “Chinatown,” I feel like there are some subvert racial connotations there. BUT, the most racist element of the film was the black midget “Knuck” (played by Tony Cox), whose only lines were either sucking his teeth or being like, hell naw, and hitting people. He was the quintessential stereotype of an angry, sassy black man who happened to be a midget, and it was disgusting. But sadly, we even see this stereotype of the sole black man in a white world in countless movies, even non-really bad ones. Take Silver Linings Playbook for example and watch Chris Tucker.
3. They casted characters with names like Ratchet Midget and Koochie Girl
What do these names even mean? (But this has given my friends and me a good idea for a radio drama: Koochie Girl Detective, coming next fall.)
4. Fake fake fake
From extremely fake effects to Michelle William’s nose, it was a fake film. I feel like “special effects” used to be employed to make things look more lifelike, but I guess that idea has gone out the window. Thank you, Avatar.
5. The acting.
Honestly, I feel the more money an actor is paid to make a movie, the more they forget their experience as an actor. Mila Kunis, for example. She’s been in some good movies like Black Swan, and even in Forgetting Sarah Marshall she wasn’t half-bad. But in this. Wow.
6. The plot and everyone’s ability to think critically
Spoiler! (But you aren’t going to see this movie, anyway, hopefully). So Oz and his monkey friend—voiced by Zach Braff, oh how the mighty have fallen—are wandering down the yellow brick road when all of the sudden, they stumble upon a burnt up town. Oz is like, aw no, I ain’t goin’ down there because I am a bad, uncaring person, but the monkey is like, let’s go help them because I’m an upstanding monkey citizen. So the monkey starts heading down the road to the village and Oz is like, no, monkey, don’t do that! Now I have to follow you because I in no way can restrain a monkey that is one-eighth of my size. Shoot! The two enter Chinatown (see item two), and they find a sole little girl survivor from the wicked witches’ baboon attack. And you know what? They gloss over the entire fact THAT HER ENTIRE PORCELAIN SPECIES IS NOW EXTINCT! She just starts to have a fit over the fact that Oz is not letting her go on their adventure. I mean, THE ENTIRE SPECIES IS GONE! That does not seem to matter at all in the plot. Humanitarian quest, my ass. Also, this idea of “the prophecy”? Like, evil witches, if you did not want Oz to fulfill the prophecy, why did you send him to Glinda, whose blond hair with an obnoxious single strand hanging limply in the front (who thought that was a good idea?) would certainly convince Oz to be on her side instead? Isn’t that what the prophecy said would happen? These people. That’s what dungeons are for!
7. Everything else
The one plus plus of the movie was Michelle William’s Bjork dress. But, please don’t be dumb like me and go see this movie with your friends. Unless you are into being angry.